What does the word, ‘Please’ communicate in a marriage?
A happy marriage is built on trust and respect. And these things are communicated every day in many ways, both spoken and unspoken. Every single day we make requests of one another. Big ones, small ones and regular old run-of-the-mill ones. “Will you pick up the dry cleaning?” “Will you stop by the store?” “Will you hand me the pepper?” What’s shocking is the number of people who pose a request as a demand.
Think about how different these two phrases are:
• “Pick up the dry cleaning.”
• “Will you pick up the dry cleaning, please?”
Which would you most willingly respond to?
No matter what the tone of voice, a command is still a command and in most contexts, a command simply sounds rude to the hearer which results in resistance. The fact is, omitting those small common courtesies like, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ can communicate at a deeper level than you might think. Many hear a command as disrespect: You don’t respect me enough to extend the smallest common courtesy.
If you’ve been neglecting these simple common courtesies, make a change today! Start with using the word, ‘please’ on a regular basis with your spouse. If this is new to you, trust me, your spouse will notice and it will make a difference in how you relate to one another. If your spouse is also neglectful of this common courtesy, never mind! YOU take the initiative and go first and stick with it! Just start, give it some time and see what happens! Your spouse may begin to mirror your behavior and show your respect in return!